Married to Your Boss
“I could never work with my spouse; we would kill each other!”
How many times have you heard that sentiment espoused by either a husband or wife? Tying the knot in marriage with your life mate is one thing but would you—or could you—tie the knot in business, becoming work mates, as well?
Although statistics on married-couple-owned businesses are almost non-existent, we do know that 50 percent of American marriages end in divorce and 75 percent of new businesses fail within six years. So, with those odds, the question begs to be asked, why would married couples even want to go into business together? Apparently, there are as many answers to that question as there are different styles of marriages, personalities, businesses and circumstances, not to mention economic reasons.
And yet, over the last thirty years, there seem to be more and more couples opting to marry their home and work lives, even in the face of knowing that if the marriage goes down the tubes, the business will likely crash and burn as well. Though there are no specific numbers available, there were nearly 800,000 male-female jointly owned proprietorships in 1994 (the most recent available figure); based on IRS tax returns in 1993, that number was up from about 500,000. However, according to the director of the Office of Economic Research for the Small Business Administration, these statistics did not designate husband-wife teams—they could have included, for example, brother-sister or mother-son business owners.
American couples have launched into businesses together since before the first pioneers established farms on the western frontier. But today’s mom and pop shops differ greatly from the old general store or other predominantly retail ventures of years past. “Mom” may have been in more of a support “Pop” role in earlier days, but women now often have as much (or more) education and/or business experience than their husbands; and women have entered many traditionally male-dominated careers. With this transformation in the business world, new terms for husband-wife owned businesses have emerged:
co-preneurial (couples partnering in self-employment ventures),
co-executive (executive couples who own or work with different companies),
co-professional (professional couples in the same or different professions who own their own practices), and
couplepreneurs (same as co-preneurs).
Whatever name one chooses to call it—whether one of the above terms, mom and pop shop, work mates or simply co-workers, couples who choose to work together or enter a business venture together will face diverse and unique challenges. When a couple embarks upon this path, no longer will any part of life remain separate as their professional, family, financial and spiritual aspects of life become inextricably intertwined.
There are many possible reasons married couples may choose to enter a business venture together. Many simply want to leave the “corporate America” environment and bureaucracy behind; others are looking for new options due to downsizing and outsourcing by their former employers. There are many senior couples and early retirees who find they now have the time (and possibly backup income source) enabling them to turn a shared hobby into a second career, offering flexibility and more time together sharing a common passion or interest. But, of all the reasons, one seemingly obvious common factor is that the couples simply enjoy being together. Is that enough, however, to make the plunge into spending your work and personal time together a successful and happy venture?
What works for some couples, could spell disaster for others. Much research and interviewing of successful entrepreneurial couples reveals several tips, advice and essential concepts to consider in order achieving a happy, healthy work-life balance that all co-preneurs will want to strive for.
Couples considering starting a business together need to seriously weigh many aspects before embarking upon such an endeavor. Most do understand what they are getting into and expect long hours, little to no time off or vacations, sharing too much of their lives together, loss of steady income before seeing any profit, etc. etc. But, knowing all of this may not be enough to be totally prepared for living through it. Many veteran couples in business together say that the following factors are imperative to creating a successful business with your spouse:
Let’s explore some of this advice offered by other married business partners:
1. Assess objectively whether you and your spouse would work well together in a business.
Just because a couple has a happy personal relationship in their marriage, does not guarantee they will have the same happy relationship conducive to a business relationship.
2. Newlyweds should exercise caution before becoming business partners.
A couple should get past the newness of marriage and get to know each other over time before taking on a new business as well. Taking on a business venture too soon in a relationship can only cause problems in the marriage.
3. Basis of Friendship.
A driving force of most couples wanting to go into business together is feeling your spouse is your best friend. Remember that you have chosen a business partner that you can completely and fully trust.
4. Choose a Venture That Both Are Passionate About.
Begin by thoroughly discussing each person’s business dreams, look for common ground and make sure that in the final decision that each person is passionate, excited and drawn toward the idea before going forward. It is important that business partners agree on the purpose of their business. Determine how much is a way of life and how much is a way to earn an income. Business decisions will need to be based on the couple’s agreed-upon values and priorities.
5. Each partner needs to bring significant value to the business.
It is imperative that each person is pulling their weight. In situations where one spouse basically does all the work of both partners, much resentment can be generated which, in turn, can spell disaster for the business. The split between the partners does not necessarily need to be 50-50 but it is important that each individual experience a feeling of self-worth and one spouse does not feel the burden of the full weight of the business alone.
6. Expect Disagreements.
Just spending more time together creates opportunities for conflict. Figure out how to keep personal problems out of the workplace and what behaviors are allowed where. Meet during business hours to discuss business issues. And, don’t take a partner’s reactions personally—keep anger or frustrations focused on the problem, not on each other. In other words—fight fair.
7. Couple-partners should be careful competing against one another.
A successful husband-wife team knows how to accept blame for business problems rather than always blaming one another.
8. Financial Considerations.
In some cases, a couple may determine it is necessary for one to keep a “day job” initially until the business is profitable. Big financial decisions should be determined by both parties. At the onset of married couples starting a new business, they should examine their individual beliefs about money and realize some risk is necessary to grow a business. Make sure your partner knows your limits. A good rule of thumb—put the “saver,” not the “spender,” in charge of money, finances and budgets.
9. Define Individual Roles – Divide the Work.
Steer clear of dividing tasks according to gender stereotypes. Identify each person’s strengths, skills and talents. Neither person can do all things well, so it is important to identify and define work roles and tasks according to each individual’s strengths. The more distinction placed upon each person’s job description, the better. Always respect each other’s differences.
10. Adapt to changing roles.
It is sometimes difficult to see your spouse in a different role than you are accustomed to seeing them in. Oftentimes, this is more difficult for men if they see their wife exercising a more independent role in the work environment than previously experienced in the marriage relationship. And, by the same token, a wife may have never seen her husband become an aggressive business owner rather than a more passive personality she had known in him before. These new roles can be quite an adjustment for either or both partners.
11. Establish Clear Work and Home Boundaries.
This is probably one of the most difficult challenges. Keeping work life and home life totally separate is not realistic. For many couples, that means establishing certain rules, such as: (1) designating Sunday a family day – no business; (2) in a home-based business, turning the business phone off in the evenings; (3) never talking business in bed, which is not conducive to sleeping or romance; (4) don’t lose sight of your personal/romantic relationship; (5) regularly schedule non-work activities together. The rules you set are not as important as deciding there will be rules to keep work/home life as separate as possible.
12. Communication is Key to Any Successful Business.
Talk… talk… talk…. Just because you live together and think you know each other well, don’t assume you know what your partner thinks or feels about running your business. You may find you’ll discover new and exciting things about your partner, or even yourself. The same skills you may have learned in communicating with co-workers in previous business environments will apply in communicating with your spouse in the work place. Always remember that business disagreements have nothing to do with your personal relationship or love for one another.
12. Create Balance in Your Life.
Since married business partners spend so much time together, most will agree that a husband-wife team needs to set aside time away from each other too. Everyone needs some space to function as an individual, independent from a spouse or partner. Spending every waking (and sleeping) moment together can snuff out the romantic spark that drew partners together initially. Don’t overlook your personal life and finding time for rest, play, being with friends and family in order to stay emotionally connected with your spouse and avoid burnout, a major cause of both business and relationship failure.
13. Bottom Line – Have Fun!
The objective of going into business together is to create a valuable service or product offered to the public and, of course, make a profit. Don’t let the everyday challenges rob you of having fun doing together what you love and lose sight of having fun doing it. If it isn’t fun, remember the alternative – working for someone else!
For the many would-be co-preneurs, the most natural person to work with is a spouse who shares the same dreams, values, goals and interests. As any new business is risky, at best, the stakes are higher for a married couple. Co-preneurship can destroy a marriage. So, before making this all-important life decision, couples should honestly evaluate their relationship and the viability of working together in a business.
Experts say that, despite some pitfalls and challenges, there are definitely some advantages. Many couples have a well-matched ability to work together effectively. In these cases, a good marriage will be an absolute benefit to a business.
Keeping the relationship in the forefront could be the best thing that ever happened to your business. The rewards can be extraordinary!
Contact Certified Life Coach Brent O’Bannon at 903-819-0301 or at brent@brentspeaks.com
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© 2010 Brent O’Bannon. Brent O’Bannon is a certified life coach, author, and professional speaker who helps couples in business create success from bedroom to boardroom at www.marriedtoyourboss.com. He is the author of Balance Matters and 15 Winning Ways to Better Living both found on Amazon. His new book Married to Your Boss is coming out in 2010. For life coaching or to have Brent speak at your next event, call 903-819-0301. Sign up for his free Balance Matters Minute at www.brentobannon.com
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© 2010 Brent O’Bannon www.marriedtoyourboss.com 903-819-0301
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